Telephone Technique
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Preface by RedSeraph
This information was included in a "boot camp" scenario called the StyleLife Challenge. I thought the information would be useful, so I am reposting it WITHOUT PERMISSION, but I obtained the document freely from his website, www.stylelife.com All credit to Style. I've slightly edited it by cutting out or altering lines that made specific in-references to other events that went on at the website that would be out of context here. Edited lines appear in italics.
PHONE RULES
1. Introduction
The first phone can be one of the most anxiety-laden moments of a pickup.
You’ve had a successful interaction with a woman and exchanged numbers, but now what?
What if you she’s forgotten you?
What if you’re too nervous on the phone and blow it?
What if she’s busy on the day you want to see her?
What if a guy answers the phone?
What if she’s given you a wrong number entirely?
Don’t worry about it.
The fact is, if you get out of your head, the first phone call can be a very easy and simple thing. You may receive a lot of conflicting advice and opinions on the phone call – and much of it does work -- but this is the way I do it and have always done it.
2. How Long to Wait
How long are you supposed to wait between getting the number and making the call?
Some say call the next day; others say wait three days.
They’re all wrong.
There is no fixed amount of time you need to wait.
Rather, here’s how long you wait: As long as you possibly can.
In other words, if you meet a woman and make an amazing connection and she begs you to call her, you can wait as long as a week. She’s not going to forget you.
However, if you meet a woman, talk for a few minutes, exchange numbers, and afterward you see her talking to different guys all night, you’re going to have to call her the next day. Because you didn’t make that deep of a connection or impression, within 48 she’s going to have forgotten all about you.
So the general rule on phone calls is, to quote David D’Angelo, “Don’t let the line go slack.” Simply call her while your interaction is still fresh in her head, but not so soon that she thinks you’re a stalker.
3. To Block or Not To Block? To Message or Not To Message?
When I first joined the seduction community, many guys advised blocking your phone number when calling a woman and not leaving a message.
The idea, they explained, is that you will eventually “trap” her on the phone when she answers and convince her to see you.
I don’t use or recommend this crowbar method, unless you’re a telemarketer. The fact is: If she’s not taking your calls, it means that you didn’t do your job properly during the interaction.
So I NEVER block my calls and I ALWAYS leave messages. Why? Because it shows confidence. If I did my job properly when approaching her – and displayed personality and value and conveyed trust – she’s going to be excited when I call. I try to leave every interaction with the woman worried, “What if he doesn’t call.”
In addition, if you’ve seeded your event properly, she’ll know just what you’re calling about and will be comfortable taking the call.
If she’s not calling you back or taking your calls, the problem is not with your phone game; it’s with your approach game, because you didn’t convey the qualities necessary for her to WANT to see you again.
4. When To Text
Personally, I never like to text for the first interaction. It shows a lack of confidence, and to a small percentage of women this can be a deal-breaker.
However, there are a few times to text: One is to set up the details of the get-together after the initial phone conversation.
Another time is when you fall into the trap of Phone Tag.
I’ve never had a woman not take or return my first call. However I have lost some in the phone-tag black hole. What will happen is I’ll call her and leave a message; then she’ll call me and leave a message; then I’ll call her back and leave a message; and pretty soon, we’ll both start to think, “Why am I working so hard to reach a person I met two weeks ago and hardly even remember anymore?” Then the phone tag will stop and we’ll never see each other.
So to prevent this from happening, after one round of phone tag, text her with a humorous message about phone tag and ask her when she’s going to be around to talk. If her response is vague, just make the plan over the phone. If the plan is for something with a hard deadline (like inviting her to a specific event that is happening the next day or a set time), it’ll make sense why it’s critical you get the message to her right away. If it’s a plan for something that’s “evergreen” and can happen any time (like “let’s get coffee sometime”), you’ll appear too eager and desperate, so in that case don’t make a plan by text.
5. What To Say
All of my first phone calls follow the same pattern:
- I. I never like to say, “Hi, it’s Style.” Instead, begin the conversation with a callback to your previous conversation. If you ran the dogs versus cats opener to meet her, then when she picks up, say, “So I got the dog.” She’ll know who it is. If you teased her by calling her a brat, when she picks up, just say, “Hey brat.” It’s a nice callback to your original connection.
- II. To avoid any awkward pause, I go right into a short story. It helps to have a collection of stories at your disposal, you're an interesting guy, right? And just begin by saying something like, “You’ll never guess what happened to me today…”
- III. Speak in a deep, calm, comfortable voice tinged with laughter and fun. It’s okay to be upbeat, but don’t talk too fast or be too hyper. Experiment with matching her pace of speaking at first, then slowly increasing your pace and enthusiasm so that she feels more excitement.
- IV. After the short story, give her an opportunity to speak. Most of the time she’ll tell you about her day or ask a question. If she doesn’t, just move on.
- V. Ask her to see you later in the week. David D’Angelo suggests saying what days you’re busy first to demonstrate, among other things, that you have a busy life and are squeezing her into it. So you can say something like, “I’m busy Friday and Saturday, but I’m having a small party on Sunday. I’m trying to cast the perfect group of really interesting people, and you should come. We need a wild card.” (If you choose to use this line and she asks what a wild card is, you may either tease her by saying “someone unpredictable” or compliment her by saying “someone new and interesting.” What you do here all depends on her self-esteem.)
- VI. If you are not inviting her to a party as in V. above, don’t frame the interaction as a date. Invite her to “tag along” or join you and your friends. In addition, make sure that it is clear that the meeting requires a minimal time commitment.
- VII. If she’s busy that night, let her know about some other event you know about coming up. Unless she gushes with enthusiasm to go, tell her that she’d probably enjoy it and if a space frees up to go, you’ll call her and let her know.
- VIII. After making your plan, don’t just hang up and say goodbye. Just like with the phone number exchange, continue the conversation for another minute or two. You can do this by telling a quick, related story or, most preferably, making a good-natured smart-ass comment.
- IX. Try to be the person who says goodbye and ends the conversation first. You’re busy; you’ve got things to do.
6. If She’s Too Busy…
If someone I’m talking to ever turns down an invitation because she’s too busy, I repeat a line I learned from David D’Angelo, “Break your plans. We’re more fun.”
This, of course, never convinces her, but it does generally get a laugh and appreciation and increase her likelihood of wanting to hang out next time.
If she continues to be flaky about plans, this means you’re doing something wrong and it’s time to look at your approach and phone game. At some point in the interaction, you have most likely conveyed desperation and/or lower value. Figure out when and why this is, and eliminate it from your game. In a few rare cases, if you’re doing everything right but she’s still flaky, she may have a boyfriend or still be getting over one.
I never accept “too busy” as a regular excuse. I always think to myself, “If Angelina Jolie called and invited you to a dinner she’s having at her house with Bono, Jay-Z, and Brad Pitt, you would be there no matter how busy you were or what plans you have.”
So my goal in an interaction is to be so interesting and such a rare find that she’ll never be too busy or booked for me. I mean, if you met the perfect 10, wouldn’t you manage to “find the time” for her?
So be the perfect 10.
