BD's Case Study of YuckFou - What NOT To Do
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IWs original text in ITALICS
I'm pretty sure you're done. You might have a 5% chance with this girl. This is why you build up your Hopper to make sure you have 3-4 prospects in there at any given time. Here's my analysis.
I 'know' her since Monday may 8th. She told me she had a boyfriend but i totally ignored that message.
She told you she had a BF because most girls will do that as a fair warning. That means she has half a brain. Your response to ignore it was proper.
Well, she asked my IP for my phone number and has been texting me like crazy. Last Friday (doomsday, see underlined text at start) i played her that much she actually wanted to come to the party with me and my IP. Not such a good idea. She called me and i said there would be plenty of occasions to see each other in the future. She texted me to ask if i was mad at her. I didn't reply for two days. Then texted some nonsense like: "My weekend was tough, too much beer. Need a week to recover. Yours was shitty?" She immediately replied and played along.
This was fine. She's showing signs of interest by seeking you out, HOWEVER, you need to keep in mind that since she already told you she had a BF and you didn't run away, some women think this is a sign that you want a, "friendship," with her. Nice work w/ joking about the weekend.
Yesterday i was an absolute asshole to her. She got more and more mellow. Less trying to tease me...
The point is NOT to be an asshole to her. The point is to be aloof and somewhat busy/unavailable, but when you ARE with her, you're this cool, laid back, funny guy who she always has a great time with. Avoid heavy conversations about big life problems, etc. See how you shut her down and she stopped teasing you? Not good.
After the conversation i called her ( it was 2 am -_- ) and asked if she wanted to go on a date. She said: "Yes....yes!.. but, i have no money" Me: "Doesn't matter, i have money. So what do you say, coming Thursday?" She: "Ehm, that's a little fast." Me: "Hmm kay." She: "But next week will be good." Me: "OK, nice, we have a deal then. Goodnight."
I never ASK for, "dates." They sound too formal. Instead, I always say, "We should hang out." I'm TELLING her we're doing something informal & relaxed and it isn't a big production. Some IWs make a big deal of asking for a date b/c they want to be VERY CLEAR that it is a date b/c they've been whored so frequently in the past. As long as you know what to do to avoid Whore-dom, then "hanging out" shouldn't be a big deal.
"But I have no money." Warning flag #1. Your response? Even WORSE. You should not be her walking ATM machine. Your response should have been to reverse it and been funny. Say, "Well that's too bad. Now I won't be able to put-out for you. I only put-out for dates that buy me dinner." You would have flipped the script and immediately sexualized the situation. Then you should have laughed and suggested something free, like a park concert or watching an NBA playoff game at home.
"Ehm, that's a little fast." Warning flag #2. If she was really into you, she wouldn't care if the date were to happen 10 minutes from now. She's scrambling to avoid the date. Yes, she gave you a counter-offer for next week. But it was vague and very unenthusiastic. But it at least bought her time to figure out how she's going to get out of this jam she got herself into.
Day after:
She: alright, I'd like to go out with you sometime, but i just broke up with my boyfriend whom i had a 3 year relationship with. so I'm not really jumpy for a new boyfriend. for your information. Me:hmm, OK She:I've always had a BF so I'd like to be single for a while
Previously she told you she had a BF so you wouldn't start going after her. Now she says she's broken up w/ her BF and wants to be single. Looks like the stalling-technique worked. It gave her time to come up with this gentile KoD. But it's interesting. She says she wants to be single, but says in the SAME breath after telling you that she's basically needy and always has a boyfriend. But suddenly when she's single and you're available, she's interested in having the sex-life of a monk. Interesting--AND warning flag #3.
Your answer mediocre at best. At this point you should have flipped the script again, and said, "Who said anything about me being a BF?," or, "Oh good, I don't really want a girlfriend now either. I just want to keep it casual." Now, typically that's a bold move and most guys would worry that it would place them into the, "friend ladder." But basically by her saying she doesn't WANT a BF, you're half way there anyway. Reversing it is kinda like going for the gusto---either you're going to have a fuckbuddy relationship with her now, as she tries to, "convince," you to take her as a GF, or you've just re-confirmed your, "friends ladder," status.
Me:i understand, but be aware that we cannot be friends She:haha, why Me:you're too interesting She:haha, OK, but you don't even know me, maybe I'm not nice at all hahaha Me:sometimes you are not nice at all, indeed haha Me: gotta grab some dinner, bye! She: hmm, k?
NEVER explicitly tell this to girls. It KILLS the drama. The whole point of a NEXTing is to simply dissapear/stop hanging out w/ her until she changes her tune. Don't tell her WHY. Make her scramble to re-gain your attention, but turn up the heat so that she has to basically make out w/ you/have sex w/ you for you to pay attention to her.
Then you compliment her. BAD IDEA. Don't get me wrong--giving a girl a GENUINE compliment rarely is VERY GOOD. But it should to be as a reward after she did something you approve of. In this situation, you're giving her a compliment way too early for the purpose of trying to win her over/change her mind. You are attempting to trade status (pumping her up w/ a compliment) in order to receive approval/validation. This NEVER WORKS. Trading status for validation sounds like it would work as a fair-trade. But that is the logical part of the brain speaking. Attraction is not logical--it is the emotion based reptilian brain. Offering a logical swap to appeal to the reptilian brain NEVER works.
Complimenting and doing things for approval is the classic IW mistake. They THINK they're being all noble by, "being nice," but really it's just a passive-agressive way to try to guilt-trip the girl into liking them. It's disingenuous, and women can smell that from a mile away. Notice how she IMMEDIATELY called you out on it in the next sentence. THEN you try to scramble to take-back the compliment. You're trying to do damage control, but instead you are only COMPOUNDING the problem. Why is this? Well, the reason why you took back the compliment is becasue she called you out on it. When she called you out, it created tension in the relationship. IWs fear tension and arguments in the relationship because they are worried that they will makd the girl, "angry," and that the girl will leave them. So, whenever SHE brings up minor conflict/disagreement/tension in the relationship, the guy scrambles to change his mind so that he is in agreement with hers. So you just really compounded the problem by taking back your words. You would have been better off either standing your ground or moving past the topic.
Eventually you got off the topic and abruptly left, but not in an angry or pissed way. That was good.
At nighttime she texted me: My sandwiches are still frozen, so I'm still hungry. Maybe I need to get a job so i can afford some decent food, haha. I replied: The vibrating feeling in my pants scared the shit out of me! She replied: I suppose i better ignore that message. Me: It was pretty nice actually. She: So are sandwiches. Me: I sent nothing back...
The comment about the vibrating in your pants was good. It established you as a sexual person again. Notice how she flirts back. But then she changes topic very randomly. This is a shit-test. At this point, I would have made some crack about salami sandwiches, but being silent was fine too.
She: Haha, you don't have a smart answer to that one, do you
This is making it clear she wants to continue with the shit-test. At this point I would have frozen her out completely for a day or two, or at the very least texted her back, "I'm busy right now, ttyl." or something like that.
I waited another hour, then sent: I't hard to think of a good answer, let me think for a while.
Really, really bad. You failed the shit-test. Before, when you just didn't send anything back, you could have played it off as if you were just too busy or you were annoyed. But now you've EXPLICITLY acknowledged that you were in a battle-of-wits with her and she just totally pwned you. If there is a poster-boy for the OPPOSITE of quick-witted banter, you are it.
She waited an hour, then sent: Well, probably thinking of thinking is too much effort for you today, if you understand what I'm saying I didn't reply and after 15 mins she wrote: Good night
Since you failed the shit-test, she becomes emboldened even MORE. The only way that isn't to be interpreted to be another shit-test is if there was some huge drama that happened that day that you told her about--did you cry to her about your IP and not tell us about it? That isn't good. Either way, she becomes more suspicious and starts testing you even harder--basically completely bitch-slapping you and disrespecting you blatantly to see if you'd stand up for yourself. Instead, you text back:
I replied: Sweet dreams
So, how am i doing?
Dude, you probably couldn't have fucked that up more if you tried.
