Supplication

From Ladder Wiki

Supplication is being amiable and agreeable with someone, or doing favors for and showing constant approval of someone, in an effort to gain their approval and validation. The key here is the, "effort to gain their validation," as doing favors for someone or being agreeable is a normal, noble human action or reaction, however when it is done with the underlying purpose of gaining approval, it is lowering of one's status and raising someone else's, with the deceitful purpose of gaining respect. This is similar to, "sucking up," to someone, however supplication implies more of a subtle tactic. Instead of blatantly complimenting and making your purposes suspicious of brown-nosing, supplicating is typically done with the purpose entirely concealed, to a point where the person being supplicated to does not even detect that the supplicator is trying to impress them. At it's very core, supplication is the act of offering to trade status for validation. You offer to give the intended target higher social status/power (at the expense of your own), in in exchange for validation from that individual. In romantic and even normal friendships, this is an inherently unhealthy dynamic. It is also incredibly manipulative.

Supplication is a poor means of earning respect, as doing it too much often causes the supplicator to be portrayed as a doormat. IWs tend to supplicate all the time, with phrases such as:

• "You're beautiful."
• "You're not fat."
• "You deserve better than him, he's a jerk."
• "If you were my girlfriend, I'd treat you right."
• "I think you're underappreciated."

Supplicating actions are things such as:

• Buying a drink for a girl you just met.
• Giving a girl a ride to somewhere that is way out of your way.
• Buying a girl anything, with the idea that it will win her over.
• Cancelling plans so as to accomodate a girl's plans.
• Causing oneself suffering or hardship of any kind so that a girl might benefit or not suffer as much.

Keep in mind that while these may be noble actions in some cases, what makes them supplication is the motive behind them. Supplicating is dishonest. Doing these actions with the purpose of "convincing" a girl that you're worth getting together with makes it supplication.

To avoid supplicating, three critical motivations should drive you:

• This girl has to have EARNED this favor or compliment before you give it to her. This means she must already have proven interest in you, in an unambiguous way. Since you would be doing this action in order to gain her approval, cut to the chase: Get her approval FIRST some other way (see Demonstrating Value), then do this action.
• You could do this favor or buy this item for her as long as you are NOT expecting to yield any approval, validation, or interest from her. If it is entirely detached on your end, with no expectation or desire of a reward of any kind, then it is not a supplicating action.
• When it comes to favors ask yourself one question before you do it, "Would I do this for a guy or a woman I have no interest in?"

--RedSeraph 07:35, 19 July 2006 (PDT)