NEXT

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To NEXT a girl is to forget about her, stop talking to her, stop trying to have sex with her, and move on.

NEXTing is a technique used to remove someone from your life in a clean, efficient manner that causes minimal to no drama. Generally, this involves complete lack of contact with the IP. NEXTing HAS been used to snag former IPs, but this is not recommended as there is another method for this - The Gatsby Plan, and usually not endorsed by IW.com forum members.

If you're going to NEXT someone, it means get them out of your life ASAP. However, it is important to note that giving the IP the, "silent treatment," as a form of NEXTing is not optimal. This is because severe avoidance is required. Avoiding certain bars/locations, avoiding your circle of friends for fear of running into the IP actually shows that you are taking effort, and that--even by avoidance--you are still spending a lot of energy thinking about the IP. In addition, absolute avoidance forces you to give up favorite locations & friends--something that shouldn't be necessary. The central goal of NEXTing is to adopt an absolutely neutral stance towards the individual.

The reason most women act as IPs and string along IWs is because they are either addicted to drama or at the very least like having their ego stroked. By adopting a truly neutral stance, you rob her of this joy--at least as it pertains to you. If you pine after her visibly OR if you actively avoid/hate her, the result is the same--she knows that she is having a psychological impact on you and is occupying your thoughts. By adopting a truly neutral attitude compels the IP to do one of two actions--either find a new IW target and leave you alone OR significantly escalate her efforts to regain your attention. About 99% of the time, the woman ends up moving onto another target. As mentioned before, in rare cases NEXTing can induce the woman to escalate to sex to regain your attention. But this is incredibly rare and should not be expected.


[edit] The NEXTing Scale

It's important to understand that NEXTing is NOT an event--it is a process.

Examining the motivations of an individual guy is key. On a scale of 1-10, NEXTings can be motivated by two different ends of the spectrum. On the lower side of the scale, the NEXTing is motivated by wanting to inflict pain/revenge on the woman. Sometimes passive IWs like to call it, "educating her." On the higher side of the scale, it's to do the mature thing and to just gradually phase her complications out of your life WITHOUT her ever realizing it (to minimize drama for all involved).

1) The Beginner's NEXT (About 1-3 on the NEXTing scale).

Here, you just shut off all communication to her. Perhaps you return the DVD when she's not home, etc. She gets the point eventually. But the problem is, there is a VERY CLEAR message that you are ANGRY/HURT by her. This mode does help you vent your frustrations towards her, and does help prevent relapse in a moment of weakness. However, the big downside is it isn't a pure NEXTing because it inherently involves drama. Most normal secure people don't avoid other people like the plague. Most normal secure people don't stop hanging out at their favorite hang-outs simply because they're afraid of running into their NEXTing target. By the radically different change in attitude (the silent/ignoring treatment), you are by default providing an emotionally-charged enviornment for the woman. And even if it's BAD attention (or dramatic LACK of attention), the woman still gets a kick out of it. This method of NEXT should only be used for the beginner and/or for normally more advanced guys who happen to have a particularly bad case of Oneitis. In general, it is a very simplistic, brutal, and clumsy way of NEXTing. Here it's important to address the urge to conduct a NEXTing Ceremony. The NEXTing Ceremony is exactly what it sounds like--a very clear and formal event where the IW attempts to read the riot act to his IP and either give her an ultimateum (Love Me or Leave Me), or has already made up his mind and wants to formally announce this fact, and explain why and how she broke his heart, etc. etc. (A small historical sidebar: the NEXTing Ceremony is a close cousin to the "I Love You Ceremony," which was originally spread throughout pop culture via PG-13 romantic comedy movies. At the end of these films, the angst-ridden teen makes some type of dramatic (usualy in public) display of his love for the obliviously hot girl--at which point, the girl always decides she finds the guy attractive and runs into his arms. (See: "Say Anything," "Can't Hardly Wait," etc.) These, by the way, do not work in real life. Collectively we've tried this tactic hundreds of times and it never works, so don't think you'll have the magic skill to prove us wrong.) NEXTing Ceremonies should be avoided at all costs. Usually IWs have the fantasy that the NEXTing Ceremony and/or freeze-out will somehow hurt/change the woman--make her feel badly and realize her childish IP-type behavior. But 99.9% of the time the lecture/freeze-out has zero effect. If a person is unwilling/unready to change their ways, NO amount of blatant lecturing/dramatic events will sink in. Instead, she will just think the guy is a spazz/is over-reacting and move on with her life. Thus, it is not a good form of NEXTing. If your emotions are too raw to do the other types, then by all means conduct NEXTing type #1 with a sudden clean-break with no warning--this form is at least better than continuing your Whore-dom. But by no means should you try to do NEXTing type #1 with a NEXTing Ceremony.


2) The Intermediate NEXT (About 4-7 on the NEXTing scale)

Obviously, this is a mixed hybrid of the Beginning and Advanced. Here, you still have short contacts with her, but you remain as pleasant as possible. You might avoid her and hangouts where you might meet so you can avoid further emotional scarring. In the Intermediate NEXTing, she WILL most likely be keenly aware of the changing status between the two of you--but she may or may not confront you about it. In the Intermediate NEXTing, you deny any bad feelings towards her. You do not act jealous or angry or spiteful. You are simply, "very busy lately," and that's it. Ironically, this actually twists her up even more b/c she detects the difference, but cannot put her finger on WHY or what she did. In the Beginner's NEXT she knows EXACTLY why you're shutting her down. In the Advanced NEXT, your goal is to never even trigger her awareness of the process.


3) The Advanced NEXT (About 8-10 on the NEXTing scale)

This is actually the ideal form of NEXTing. Here, you gradually downsize your involvement with the female. No sudden/radical changes in how the relationship is going--just gradual change. You don't avoid people, places of things you would usually do. Even if she is in the same room and same circle of friends. You actually might hang out w/ her one on one occasionally to give her the illusion that nothing's changed--but in reality you are gradually pyasing her out of your life. You simply stop caring about her or her life--but you don't alter your OWN life in the slightest (other than spending more free time with other people). This doesn't mean that you are an asshole or anything like that to her--it's just that when she starts to tell stories and/or insert drama into the enviornment, you psychologically, "drift off"/"go away." You may or may not leave the room or enviornment--the advanced person might simply switch attention to somebody else in the room for a short while. When she tries to rope you into being an IW again, politely find a reason why you can't do it/need to go right now, etc. In the ideal Advanced NEXTing she will NEVER EVEN NOTICE THE DIFFERENCE. Maybe she'll wonder in retrospect several years from now how/why the two of you drifted apart. But it will never enter her mind while you are in the midst of gradually phasing her out of your life.


Once you are a truly advanced and secure person, and you HONESTLY can say to yourself that your are over her, then you can potentially become friends with her and end the NEXTing status. But keep in mind that 98% of the time when a former IW says he's over a former IP, he's lying to himself. If they didn't burn bridges by doing the Beginner's NEXT, most guys who are advanced typically keep their former IPs at "Advanced NEXTing," level for social pivot/networking purposes, but never make them into true friends.


[edit] See Also:

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