Demonstrating Value
From Ladder Wiki
by Flame
You have to start seeing the interaction as a much more of a MUTUAL thing, rather than just you spitting game at her and waiting for her to swoon over.
This is THE number one misconception that guys have about game and about ASF teachings: that it's the guy just dropping all these things (stories, jokes, etc.) and then just having the girl fall into his arms.
NO NO NO NO NO.
No matter how technical and tactical and scientific it can get, ULTIMATELY "game" is about forming a UNIQUE connection between the TWO of you. It's not just about YOUR value, how cool YOU are, but ALSO about what kinda person she is, what she's thinking, what she's feeling. You MUST take these things into account, or else even the coolest DHV routine will fall FLAT. This is what the PUAs called "calibration."
I'm assuming you are vaguely familiar with the M3 Model. If not, it's in the stickies thread in General Ladder Discussion. Basically, you are having trouble with the initial meeting and attraction phase. Okay, cool. Don't even sweat it.
The EASIEST way to attract a girl is to engage her EMOTIONS.
You CANNOT just chill back and spit routines like the ESP game and strawberry fields or whatever and wait for her reactions. You must ENGAGE her, you must SUCK HER INTO YOUR REALITY and IMMEDIATELY begin pushing EMOTIONAL BUTTONS.
How do you do this?
[edit] A) Cocky/Funny
You may or may not know what this is. This is basically you being cocky and funny. However, just being cocky and funny is NOT ENOUGH. This is another HUGE MISCONCEPTION, on this board and others, that if you are merely just cocky and funny, she will feel attracted.
PERHAPS, but USUALLY what happens with quality women is that they will ENJOY YOUR C/F, TAKE WHAT THEY NEED (the enjoyment/fun/emotional spikes), AND THEN LEAVE. It is CRUCIAL that you UTILIZE your cocky/funny to ENGAGE her.
This is called PUSH-PULL. You lace your words with cocky/funny to verbally pull her in and then push her away. In this way, when you PULL, she is emotionally engaged (because it's not just detached c/f, it's PERSONAL), but then you PUSH so she does not feel UNCOMFORTABLE about it and is thus FREE to ENJOY your company some more.
Need an example? Here's a very basic example of how a push-pull sequence of mine will go:
Me: So what was your name again?
Girl: Jamie.
Me: That's a pretty cool name. [Pull] How do you spell that?
Girl: J-A-M-I-E.
Me: Are you fucking serious? Haha omg I can't talk to you anymore... [Push]
Girl: WTF? Why not?!
Me: Every Jamie I've known who spells it that way has been TROUBLE for me... Like... I know one Jamee who spelled it with two e's and she's an amazing friend, but every Jamie who spells it the other way has been SUCH a partying bad-girl... HORRIBLE influences on my life...
Me: Yeah, so I box... it's fucking grueling, but I dunno... nothing else I've ever done gives me the same rush. You play any sports?
Girl: Well, I'm a huge hockey fan...
Me: Are you kidding me? You're into hockey? Wait.... are you one of those poser girls who pretend to like sports just to get attention from guys, but honestly couldn't care less? You are, aren't you?! [Push]
Girl: What?! NO! I love hockey! Really!!!
Me: Hmm.... okay.... who's the greatest, handsomest, coolest guy who ever played for the NY Rangers? [Keep Pushing, because I'm going to make a strong Pull]
Girl: Wayne Gretzky.
Me: Actually, it's Mark Messier... dork *grin* [Pushing....]
Girl: No way! Gretzky was so much hotter than Messier and he was so much better on the ice.
Me: ...... A girl who knows who Gretzky AND Messier are.... omg, I love you. You're my new girlfriend. [PULL]
Girl: Hahahaha okay!
Me: BUT WAIT... are you rich?
Girl: Uh.... no.... not really...
Me: ..... Oooookay, we're sooo broken up. Dammit, I was going to just be your stay-at-home bf and watch my soaps all day... [Push]
Girl: Hahahaha jerk!
Me: Hmm... okay, I'll give you another chance... you can cook though, right?
Girl: Yes, I'm amazing in the kitchen.
Me: Awesome! We're getting married... *dramatically/exaggeratedly* Will you... marry me? [PULL]
The MOST IMPORTANT aspect of the above two interactions is NOT the cocky/funny itself. It's how I'm SUCKING HER INTO MY REALITY. By this, I am establishing a very unique and PERSONAL interaction (through ideas of bf-gf relationship, marriage, breaking up, etc.). EVEN THOUGH this is all obviously PRETENDING and JOKING, she will be PERSONALLY and EMOTIONALLY VESTED in the interaction, because you are not DETACHED, you are IN THERE and ENGAGING her.
Get it?
[edit] B) Magic tricks/Gimmicks/Value Routines
Don't get me wrong. I LOVE magic tricks, I love all sorts of gimmicky routines. I suck at most of them, but I've seen them used properly and they are AWESOME. One of the greatest PUAs ever is a magician.
However, there are tons of magicians and street performers and the like out there. How come they are not all getting laid? How come only Mystery has been able to use his magic tricks to pull pussy like crazy?
When the street performers or most magicians do their magic or whatever, they are doing it for the AWE of the crowd. They want attention and respect. UNFORTUNATELY, attention and respect alone DO NOT GET YOU LAID. Tons of chicks can watch a magic show, ooh and ahh at the magician, and NEVER CONTEMPLATE SLEEPING WITH HIM.
What makes Mystery different? Because, if you've ever seen him work a set, he once again SUCKS HER INTO HIS REALITY and ENGAGES HER ON A PERSONAL EMOTIONAL LEVEL.
One of my wings in the NYC Lair uses a lot of magic tricks because he himself is an amateur magician. This is an example of how I've seen him run this shit on women:
Wing: You know, it's kinda crazy huh? Look around this bar... sooo many people out here but over 90% of them are in their own little safety bubbles, hanging out by themselves or only with their close friends... Like, society gives us these amazing, glamorous gathering places, people dress up and look gorgeous and come out.... and STILL, there are all these barriers, these social conventions keeping people from meeting each other. *shakes his head* Hey, wanna see something cool?
Girl: Yeah...
Wing: Okay, picture a chalkboard in your head. Now, quickly, think of a number between 1 and 4. Hold that image in your head.... 3.
Girl: OMG, how did you KNOW that?
Wing: Haha, just a lucky guess... That was pretty cool though...
Girl: Yeah... Let's do another one!
Wing: Hmmm... you know what? I'm going to try something new... I'm going to show you something cool... but there's a risk....
Girl: What risk?
Wing: What did you say your name was?
Girl: Jessica
Wing: Okay Jessica... I obviously don't know your last name. But see this little piece of paper? *pulls out paper* You're going to think of your last name and hold that in your head... and I'm going to write down what I think is the first initial of your last name on this paper. If I get it right, we can keep hanging out and I'll show you more cool stuff. If I get it wrong... well, it was nice meeting you and I'm going to leave right now.
Girl: WHAT?!
Wing: Okay... here goes... see, nothing on this piece of paper. Okay, think... hold it in your head. *writes something down on his paper and puts his pencil away* Okay, what's your last name?
Girl: Arrine.
Wing: *wordlessly hands her the piece of paper, which has a big A written on it*
Girl: OMFG*#($&(Q#*$(!!!!!!! How did you know?!
Wing: *grins* Well, you know... Have something happen once, they call it lucky. Twice... *taps a finger on her nose while smiling at her seriously* they call it magic.
Whatever DHV routines you use, whether they be magic, stories, games, gimmicks, whatever.... they MUST be ENGAGING her in order to be USEFUL in attracting a woman. A card trick can be COOL, but if you don't eventually use the gimmicks to ENGAGE HER EMOTIONALLY, (if you are just spitting tricks at her), it is WORTHLESS.
[edit] C) Understanding and Taking Over Her Reality
This is the last of my usual method of attraction. Understanding her as a person and thus become a very powerful, intuitive figure.
Girls will love you if you understand their reality. If you show that you understand what kind of person they are. Of course, you must do this WHILE showing you are independent, powerful, and sexual.
For example:
Me: (within FIVE minutes of meeting a chick) You know what? I have an intuition about you...
Her: What is it?
Me: Hmmmm... well, I dunno... I would hate to be wrong and look like an idiot, haha.
Her: Nono, tell me.
Me: Okay, but I wanted to dance.... here, dance with me a bit. *grab her arms and slow dance with her in a FUNNY but CLOSE/PERSONAL way, totally ignoring the music*
Me: Hmmm... well, when I first met you, you seemed like the total bitch type... but I don't know... You know there are really two types of people in the world. Observer and those who are observed, and you are more the observer kind of person. I think when you get to know people they sometimes think you are aloof and a lot of men also think you are somewhat of a bitch... but I dont think that's true, they just dont know you. You experience the world through your emotions and want to make sure that the people you let into your life are good people who really come from the heart. That's why you first when you meet new people you just observe them and try to figure them out before you open up to them. But that's just some sort of protection shield cause when you are around the right people (point to self) and having a lot of fun with them, you can just let go and be yourself. And I think that's what you are really looking for in life, people who you can just be real with and who fully understand what you are all about as a person.
Girl:.... OMG..... how did you KNOW that?
Easy. This is one of the most POWERFUL ways of INSTANTLY creating POWERFUL ATTRACTION AS WELL AS RAPPORT. The flipside is that you actually have to be PERCEPTIVE and able to read people correctly. This comes with experience.
Basically, always keep in mind that you have to ENGAGE her. People will tell you that you should be doing most of the talking. This is true in many cases, but the important part is NOT that you are TALKING, but that she is LISTENING and WANTS TO HEAR/SEE/BE WITH YOU MORE. That is what it means to engage.
Stop trying to think up cool routines or lines or whatever. Those are plentiful. Instead, try to reshape your whole outlook, so that every interaction with a woman is the two of you, fighting against social barriers and norms to try to get to KNOW EACH OTHER. It should very quickly color your whole game and take it to another level.
A good example of this is SHIT-TESTS. You should be actively SEEKING shit-tests. Many guys on this board and others will BITCH and COMPLAIN about shit-tests. But personally, I LOVE THEM. I ADORE shit-tests. Why?
Because a shit-test means you have ENGAGED her emotionally, she is now FEELING something, and thus is reacting.
For hot girls, it is usually their AUTO-PILOT response to be NICE. To be pretty and MEAN is to be a BITCH. To be pretty and NICE is to be loved. Usually, hot girls will not be straight-up bitches (though many can be, the TRULY gorgeous ones will not), they will be POLITE but DISINTERESTED.
Ever go up to a hot girl at a bar, introduce yourself, have her introduce herself, mebbe chitchat a bit, and then you walk off feeling good? BUZZZZ!!!!! FAILURE. All you did was have her auto-pilot, polite behavior kick in. She was nice, she talked to you, and she forgot about you as soon as you turned around.
A girl shit-tests when she is FEELING something that is NOT ORDINARY. When her auto-pilot response has been DISRUPTED, due to your cocky/funny or your awesome routine or your amazing cold read about her personality or whatever. She feels EMOTIONALLY ENGAGED and thus is SUBCONSCIOUSLY WORRIED because now she feels the SEEDS OF ATTRACTION. So she SHIT-TESTS YOU, to both scare you away AND to see if you are the REAL DEAL.
When she makes fun of you or tests you or calls you on things, she is trying to RATTLE YOU to see if you are WORTHY, if you truly ARE what you seem to be (an amazing, unique guy). If she doesn't shit-test, it just means you are not even ON HER RADAR.
This is why FLUFF TALK is generally BAD for attraction. Fluff talk is just chitchatting about RANDOM or BORING shit, like school/work or the bar you guys are in right now or what she's drinking. These things HAVE THEIR PLACE, you should throw it in sporadically during set just so she feels GROUNDED and you are not BOMBARDING her emotional senses. HOWEVER, these things are just PLACE-HOLDERS, they actually lead NOWHERE in attracting the girl.
FLUFF SPARINGLY. Remember, you want her EMOTIONALLY ENGAGED.
Anyway, this was a long post. Enjoy it. If you have any more questions, gogogogo.
